I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
