I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
