im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
