I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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