i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize