batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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