Can Purell be used as lube?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
