I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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