Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
