dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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