Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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