im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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