This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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