i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
