ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize