I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize