I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
