I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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