You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize