Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
