I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
