are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
