jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
