So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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