I am puke
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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