I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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