Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
