i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
