and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
