We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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