Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the day after is always just damage control
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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