why didn't you poke me back
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
