he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
