Yo dont text me then not text me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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