I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
