if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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