last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
