We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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