The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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