to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
