who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
