So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
