Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize