I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
