since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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