Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
please come you make the beer taste better
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
