it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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