the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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