I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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