I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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