Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
