a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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