Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
