JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
