I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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