I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
