I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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