my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize