she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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