Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As shirtless as possible
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
