Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
