im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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