The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
