Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
