eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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