blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I believe in your delicious
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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