This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize