Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this hospital has no fireball
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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