i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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